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Looking Forward Backwards

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“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” –Soren Kierkegaard

This last week has brought much change. Some of it good, some of it bad, some of it still remains to be seen – all of which I’m sure will be used to take me in the direction I’m supposed to be going. Last night on a drive home with a few friends we discussed why history is important. I think history is vital not only for a reminder, but a viewpoint that God gives to say, “See, that’s why.” In taking a historical look at my life things now make sense, but looking forward, NOTHING makes sense. I think it’s like that for everyone so why do we spend so much time trying to make sense of the “forward life”? So here’s a little snapshot of my history with regards to what looked like a catastrophic event in my young adult life. I got pregnant at 18. I didn’t have a relationship with God. I struggled with what to do with a baby since I was a terrible mess. Many people looked at my life at that time as just a waste because I was a teen mom. What they didn’t know, what I didn’t know, was that that would be the only time I was ever able to conceive. Please don’t take this the wrong way. I was living a sinful life, was an unwed mother, teen mom, college dropout and whatever else tainted my resume – but God knew the bigger picture. In 2006 I was diagnosed with “Unexplained Secondary Infertility” and came to the agonizing realization that I would never be able to give my husband his own biological child (we could not afford IVF). He is not my daughter’s biological father. He helped raise her since she was 10 years old, and she is definitely his daughter, and he is most definitely her dad so for that I am grateful. I thank God for the opportunity to have a baby when I did. That would be the only experience I would ever have to bear a child. God knew that. I didn’t, and no one else did either. I was reminded recently of these verses: Revelation 1:8 “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End…” and Revelation 1:17 “…Do not be afraid, I am the First and the Last.” He knows everything. He sees it all. Jesus’ life did not make any sense in the forward viewpoint either. It didn’t make sense until after the resurrection. I think that’s the point here in everything. Nothing will make sense until those resurrections in our lives. With resurrection comes revelation – then we get to see. I think I spend a lot of time and give a lot of real estate in my mind in trying to figure it out. I try to make sense out of everything when I should be knowing that it just won’t make sense looking forward. My husband told me that in all synagogues the place where the rabbi teaches from points in the direction of Jerusalem so when Jesus was reading from the book of Isaiah (Luke 4:17-21) He was facing the direction of Calvary. For believers, that’s our direction too, and it won’t make sense until we look back. So I have to ask myself, “Hi there, Miss Control Freak, are you going to spend countless hours in agonizing perplexity or are you going to trust and rest knowing that you’re safely in His grip?” That means I need to be okay with loose ends, sometimes no answers and the understanding that it may look tragic today but whatever He has planned, it’s good. So those are the two themes for this week: TRUST. DIRECTION. Trust His direction. Trust His perspective. Trust His plan, and be okay with looking forward BACKWARDS. I’d be interested in your thoughts on your backwards forwards too. Have a blessed week, friends! ๐Ÿ™‚

6 thoughts on “Looking Forward Backwards

  1. Oh how true this is Sonia! I think as believers when we go through challenging times, we want to get from point A to point B as quick as we can, a straight shot so we can just be done with it but, as I’ve learned it’s never a quick journey in God’s time. He takes us around every bend and more. When we finally get to point B we look back and see the big picture and understand it all makes sense. Sometimes it’s so very hard to be thankful for all the experiences (1thessalonians 5:18). You are a beautiful writer Sonia and thank you for sharing. I always learn so much from you.

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      1. I always believed that god had a plan for all of us. At times I feel we loose sight while going through trials and tribulations. Fact is looking backward forward is what gave us all out testimonies . We all come from different backgrounds all with in which come good and bad. Moral of the story is, we would not know god if we did not go through what we had went through in our past. I too relate much to Sonia’s story, but I regret nothing from my past. I would not be me, we’re I am today having a close relationship with god and having faith in all his does through me. Looking backward forward is to trust god and his destiny for you . Thanks for sharing your story Sonia …

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      2. Joyce, thank you so much for your heartfelt comment. I love that you opened with you “always believed that God had a plan for all of us.” What a profound statement of trust!! Our testimonies are powerful – showing His mighty power to deliver us and give us freedom. What a beautiful story you have! God bless you as you continue walking with Him. Love you!

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