A few days ago Mario and I went to have breakfast with friends, another couple younger than us. They’re tough as nails with hearts of gold. We’ve been friends for about five years now. We all ate our breakfasts and drank our (very diverse choices of) coffees and talked about what’s going on in our lives since we’ve last seen one another.
One of the things we talked about was that the small church they’ve been a part of for a few years now has some things that needed to change. If things were going to change, they were going to have a tough conversation ahead of them. They were torn over what they should do and wanted to get our thoughts about it.
We shared how important it is to have right motives and to be truthful. We gave examples of times we’ve done it right and times we have failed at this. We all agreed, however, it is always tough. Friendships are awesome until they’re not. And sometimes it is the hard conversations that crush the relationship. Either way it’s a risk. There’s a cost to keeping silent and a cost for speaking up.
I could see it in their eyes that there were wrestling with emotions over this. I know how that feels because there’s something pressing on me that I need to say to someone, and I don’t know what will happen. But the fact is, I love this person enough to say something. Talking with our friends about tough conversations solidified this in my heart.
I’m wrestling over what to say, how I should say it and when. I would love to sit back and let someone else be the messenger, but I know it has to be me. Once I have this conversation things will change, but I don’t know how. Could be for the better, could be for the worse. It’s a risk I’m willing to take for love’s sake.
I have friends in my life who have had tough conversations with me, and they have changed my life because, although it crushed my ego and made me angry, I now know truth where there was either a blind spot or blatant disobedience.
So tonight, here’s the challenge: We need to stop the passive-aggressiveness and be honest with each other. Don’t grow bitter – grow in honesty and in love. Trust God with the outcome, but obey Him even if you’re afraid to upset the status quo. The status quo was never great any way, Jesus showed us that. He didn’t turn from confrontation. He let God lead Him in it.
“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.” Matthew 18:15
Good night and God bless!