Good morning. Happy Summer. It’s been awhile. It’s about 5:22am on Monday morning, June 24. I have been awake since 4am with a thought in my mind about insecurities – probably because I struggle so much with them. Let me give some insight to what goes in to these blog posts on here. What goes on in my head and heart is like a steady pressing in of a topic – a lingering theme that will keep popping up. When that happens there may be a few discussions with friends, prayer, more ideas and then I will try to talk myself out of writing. This has happened about 40 times with this topic until 4am today came around, and it was like, “That’s it. I really can’t take this anymore. I will write already!”
So here it is. Insecurities…they’re a killer. They kill everything in their path: identity, relationships, families, health, careers, hopes, dreams…everything. I think we know all of that firsthand, but how do we battle this? How do we not let this thing win? Disclaimer: I don’t have the answers for you. This isn’t a self-help blog post. Think of this more as a challenge for us. I, like many of us, love the instagram positive affirmation posts and quick 3 minute videos about how to be an overcomer. All of that is great and has its place but it doesn’t last, I mean, really it’s a 3 minute video, LOL!!
I’ll tell you what…it’s been almost ten years ago now that I started a journey – more like I was invited on a journey. Jesus literally met me in my lowest state of self-esteem and said, “Come follow Me.” And I did. Not knowing anything about anything, really. I knew the God of the Bible in the catechetical sense but thought He gave up on me a long time ago for a laundry list of ungodly acts and unrighteous living. That one act of believing what God says about me every day for the last 3,616 days has led me here to a place where I can say “publicly” that I tremble inside sometimes when I look completely in control on the outside – that I battle negative self-talk and sometimes believe it when I hear that old message in my head, “See, you will never get anything right.” I can admit that I struggle, sometimes greatly, with close relationships – that it’s a battle just to show up.
All that struggle isn’t for just nothing – it leads to amazing change and growth and new life and discovery of who God is and what He created us for. Believe it when I say that the struggle isn’t the killer – letting the insecurities win, however, is. The practical ways I battle this are to not to isolate. I heard somewhere recently that people die from choking sometimes because they’re too embarrassed for people to see them struggle so they find a private place and by the time it’s very serious and they need help, they can’t get it in time. Morbid thought, I know, but it’s true. Hiding and isolation are killers. I also start my day with God’s word most days. I need His words in my head a whole lot more than I need mine. I also serve at my local church where it is safe to have those struggles as people are open about their own. It really is a healing community. Lastly, I pray for perseverance. I pray to hang in there and not run from the hard stuff on the hard days.
Let me reiterate again, I don’t have the answers for you, but I know God does. I just want to share how my journey has been so far. To truly overcome insecurities or at least work past them on our really bad days, we need to have faith in something/Someone bigger than our fear and that is Jesus. He isn’t a bandaid or quick fix. He is a relationship, the one relationship that will truly lead you on a journey of freedom.
To end let me share the verse of my life from Zephaniah 3:17:
With all my heart,